Poetry/Writing/Lyrics

Surrounded by scalpel and disinfectant His day dealt with dead bodies Where steady hands weren’t a priority And he went about his day stoically

He’d never be saving any lives And that suited him just fine Drily studying the cause To be filed for future reference

But today- His hands shook like never before A sense of suffering permeated his being Never could he deal- with cutting open a child’s body

His knife revealed a meaningless truth The boy would have lived- Had someone turned him over Before he drowned in his own blood

Should he tell this to the living And add to their agony? Blood in lungs was all he stated Some truths would remain his secret

It was wretched work- facing the live Cadavers don’t speak. Torturous still, to be alive And a bear a hell like this

And he wished and wondered If there was a heaven Where a choir of children sang beautiful melodies- Blessing their parents And all the mourning ones Sending down their divinity An eternal laughter An eternal bliss Yet to be realised on earth.

In a cold white room lay the man with machines Dying, unresponsive to anything The people in white coats peer at the numbers As if there is no human behind them

As I felt myself drowning in my internal sea I thought I’d make it an intellectual fantasy Has suffering increased in the world? Is it because of the infinite choices that we face? Is it the choices we’re forced to make?

Maybe it’s the illusion of power over death The pretence of a cure, though all we have is a name We make power plays with Yama, a losing battle Any great length to postpone that death knell

ON or OFF is here a choice too rough to be made And the moment that has me strongly in its hold Forever etched in my soul- is When the son looked at his father with yearning And the father responded, by seeing

What is that primal force? so strong- That forced his consciousness Back into the battered body Whirring life into parts of his body For one last connection in the physical realm For one last peek at his son A last look eye to eye And tear up, knowing he would float away An unbearable love

For a brief day, it gave the white coats hope And they could keep the machines ON But it wasn’t to be, And his breath left the earth And he was no more to prove his power over death It’s a cruel fate that befalls the modern man Living and dying with cold machines And be reduced to binaries And all I can offer, is this petty poetry.

There is a little box around my heart It’s like a hermetic jar Formidable walls and a tight lid It makes a stark facade Providing an eerie comfort Safely through the years

There is a little box around my heart It keeps the water out And when it starts to rain in the mirror And the gloom tugs me in I soak and wallow for a while And lock it safely away

There is a little box around my heart and I strived to make it strong As I feared the walls cracking And the waters gushing And felt the terror of drowning In a river of things i’ve been ignoring

There is a little box around my heart And I thought it kept the water out But it’s been raining within all along Hidden from my sterile perch It’s a deep swamp in there Where I secretly crave to be submerged

There is a little box around my heart It’s insides are now putrid Full of poison for the world Is there a gentle way to let it out? So that it may live and flow- Rather than rot and destroy

There is a little box around my heart I didn’t know it would lock me out I’m now stuck on this dry land For how can I swim with no water? I am but a husk, an empty form And I’ve lost the key to my own heart

Don’t look at me like that Don’t say I’m pretty Peek into my ugly soul Drink my poison and lick my sores

Hate me Or I’ll trap you in my secret world And maim you with my lethal words Bathe you in my soul Swallow your spirit And spit out your body

Hate me! As I drown alone in my subterranean lair In a swamp of grime and blood Made up of every dark, harsh pain That you don’t have the eyes to feel Living in your sanitised plains

Hate me! And leave me alone. I don’t need you to give me life- Your pretty marble walls of light Only pretend to elevate me Yet rob me of my dignity.

Oh, Hate me! I birthed every amoral need And I’m filled with self-loathing As I watch every vile deed- And count every crime, That found their way to the world- from this womb of mine.

Hate me! Punish me. So I could let the anger burst from me- To reveal my blood-thirsty lips And a mouth that will devour time Become a demon and travel to the depths And collect every rotten seed And suck them into me and kill them before they can exist.

But some day- I’ll transform it all into stars That fill the cosmic ocean And redeem all of humanity.

But would you have the heart To embrace me tight- As I unearth my every repulsive side- And lift me back to ground? And fly with me to heavenly heights? The way I might have done for you- To truly see you-

Ah- If only it were that simple.

In the guise of a grand worship You lowered me into a glass pedestal Flooding my eyes with golden light And took away my sight. Every need was cared for Yours- and the ones you assumed were mine But I was to you just a sidekick, a slave- A trophy for your will and desire At best Second in your pecking order.

Your heroism may be music to the world Meaning to your irrelevance Yet- a noose around my neck

It doesn’t fool me.

Oh, Don’t ask me to count my blessings Don’t ask me to be grateful Don’t say all you’ve done is for me Don’t you dare throw your sacrifice in my face Don’t free me from my penance Only I can. My redemption lies in me. Just penetrate me deep, for a while And alleviate my wounds If you can.

You may be my oppressor But I am the devil You may be a wise teacher But I am wisdom My mysteries are my journey- Not your crowning glory

Love me- but don’t save me! That admiration is a monstrosity Which does not even recognise me

Come on now- show me your true nature Don’t hide behind the sacrifice and chivalry Or the guise of a divine saviour That wants to cage me in its world

I’d rather you Rape me. I need a reason to take a dagger to your heart. But my conviction to kill lies on shaky ground For the moonlit night seems to reveal- The hurt in your soulful eyes The tenderness of your love Not the darkness of your evil heart But all of mine. And through my pool of penitent tears, I want to burn our collective hurt away Be in an endless embrace, under the stars.

But, the malnourished psyche that keeps me cold and icy- Won’t allow me to be weakened by an ephemeral reverie.

I don’t want your blind love Nor love that seeks to keep me blind I prefer my lonely yet lofty suffering to your distant smothering. Nor do I want the unearned happiness That needs me stuck in innocence.

Hate me, Kill me, Punish me! Let’s paint this vast space With pearls of our irrelevance Lay bare our heinous nature With gems of worthlessness We’d look at this naked mirror That reflects our vicious, spiteful side

And then, we’d both be free- From the ceaseless charade And fruitless drama

And I can then have my own journey Falling from innocence and soaring to wisdom I’d be the demon and divinity And create my own beauty. Treacherous betrayal, you’d think- But, I’d rather pierce my own truths Than sell them to you

But some distant day- I imagine, We’d be like glorious Deities And make eternal love to give birth to the Universe.

But that day may never come And the twain shall never meet And the journey may never end.

I waft untethered; Drowning in empty space Hunted and haunted by fugitive feelings That ache to be found, and made real

Joy was once flippant- A moment divine, swinging from a twine Playing with florid stories A carefree time

Joy now bodes an end- Suspended in grime, slinging some slime Heaving with morbid melodies, A dreaded time.

I waft untethered; Consuming slices of time A repertory of all that was, and will be Moments sublime, and moments bleak

What’s on my mind- who’s to say? What are the songs I’ll sing today? Flowing waters and glowing embers Which way will you take me today?

(2)

Times’ black bleakness Peeks every morning A sly smile that stretches Through all of eternity

Caught in a twilight of torpor- We are fast sinking Trapped, tormented, slaughtered In this cycle of suffering

This net is vicious Yet tantalising She ensnares us in her clutches Life’s a noose- there’s no mercy

And these brutal waves wash us Relentless Like a perennial downpour Or when the earth swallows us whole

What can us mere human do, in the face of such harshness? Why, we add to the perils.

Not a moment to reflect Shallow- Never to face the depth of self, Miserable- for a few moments of beauty As the angst of time laughs with cruelty

Yet we beg to be touched and kissed By grey grains in a wasteland To devour and be devoured by this abode And spat into stardust and smoke

From the womb, we came crying out Ashes it will be at the end- A face toward infinity We’re all headed there With myriad distractions Whatever it be-Make no mistake- We’re marching to death’s tunes

What choice do we make with our time? Chase plans, fame, love? Drink and smoke away the time? Strive for your true nature? Fight for your passion? Whatever it be-Make no mistake- We’re marching to death’s tunes

In silence is an energy- To absorb and give, Would you wile it away, in stupid pursuits? Our patterns are on the wall of life Imprints of things drawn and experienced Life in a nutshell- to be broken open Whatever it be-Make no mistake- We’re marching to death’s tunes

I wish to be consumed By something besides death Be hugged by love’s tentacles Or see The Mynahs around Or be kissed by the Divine on To forget for even one pure moment The march of death’s tunes.